27 Jan My kid is upset he’s not my executor. What should I do?

Q. I have three adult children. One of them thinks he’s a know-it-all and he’s upset that I made his sister my executor. My alternate executor is a bank. How do I keep what I want without him constantly bringing it up?
— Dreading it

A. This is a lot to consider.

When it comes to choosing an executor, it’s important to know that you can trust the person to follow your wishes and fulfill all the obligations that are required upon your passing.

Addressing your son’s feelings may require a conversation that points out the reason why you made the decision you did, said Claudia Mott, a certified financial planner with Epona Financial Solutions in Basking Ridge.

“It may be important to help him understand that you weren’t playing favorites or being judgmental but opted to select the executors that you felt would ensure the process of probating your will and its intentions would be carried out as smoothly as possible,” she said.

During the conversation, Mott said, you might offer him the opportunity to share his thoughts and concerns so that they can be addressed.

“He may need reassuring, without giving specifics, that the distribution of your estate would be the same regardless of who is overseeing the process,” Mott said. “Perhaps there is something outside of the will that he might be responsible for that would allow him to feel that he is involved at a very emotionally difficult time for your family.”

Hopefully a conversation or two will enable you to let him know that your relationship matters more than any decision about estate planning ever could, Mott said.

Email your questions to .

This story was originally published in January 2025. 

NJMoneyHelp.com presents certain general financial planning principles and advice, but should never be viewed as a substitute for obtaining advice from a personal professional advisor who understands your unique individual circumstances.