10 Apr How can I handle my fiscally irresponsible kid?

Q. I have three children. One is very irresponsible with money and often asks to “borrow” but of course it’s never paid back. I guess I can afford it – the help – but it also feels unfair to my other children. What’s the best way to handle it all?
— Mom

A. That’s a tough situation.

It can be challenging to say no to a child who continuously asks for financial support because no one wants to see their children struggle.

However, doing so on an ongoing basis can continue to enable irresponsible financial behavior, cause discord amongst your other children and potentially have financial impacts on you such as having to delay retirement, Charles Pawlik, a certified financial planner and chartered financial analyst with Beacon Trust in Morristown.

One approach could be to work to get to the root of the thought process and decision making that is leading to the ongoing need for financial assistance, he said.

“You could consider sitting down with your child and offer suggestions as to how to approach financial decisions more responsibly, as well as offer to provide educational resources around personal finance including basic budgeting and living within one’s means, as opposed to outright giving them money,” Pawlik said.

You might also consider discussing the negative impact that recurring requests for money may have on your financial situation, which ultimately isn’t going to be good for anyone, and that this help is not being provided to the child’s siblings, he said.

“In order to manage expectations and keep things equitable going forward, you could consider communicating that you are only willing to help with financial assistance for true emergencies which would apply to all of your children, and that you would pay any providers associated with the emergency directly,” he said.

This would set the tone for what you believe is fair for everyone, and drives accountability in terms of there not being a safety net for the consequences of irresponsible financial behavior.

“This approach can serve to shift the dynamic towards empowering your child to become financially stable, as opposed to continuing to provide financial assistance without proper boundaries being set,” he said.

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This story was originally published in April 2026. 

NJMoneyHelp.com presents certain general financial planning principles and advice, but should never be viewed as a substitute for obtaining advice from a personal professional advisor who understands your unique individual circumstances.