by Jeralyn Lawrence, Family Law Attorney, Lawrence Law

Going through a divorce is a life changing event. It is an uncertain and scary time. During the divorce, you will make very important decisions that will affect the rest of your life.

The assets you have acquired during the marriage need to be identified, valued and distributed. Your marital lifestyle will need to be defined. This is so that an effort can be made to insure it is reasonably maintained. If you have children, custody and parenting time issues, child support and college contribution are primary considerations.

Because of these ultra-important issues, as well as the emotional impact and the complexities of the divorce process, it is important to have a lawyer. Not just any lawyer. You should have a lawyer who specializes in divorce law with whom you can talk to and trust. You should do some soul searching to determine what it is you want to accomplish from the divorce. The right lawyer will help you reach your goals.

Most divorce cases eventually settle. It has been estimated that 96% – 97% of all divorce cases settle. Thus, it is really a matter of when will your case settle, not if your case will settle. You need to find a lawyer who will help navigate and negotiate a settlement that is in your best interest. Each settlement should be a fair compromise of all issues. By that, I mean both parties will be called upon to compromise – to give up something to get something in return. How quickly your case settles is largely a function of you, your spouse and the attorneys. Many cases can settle in a matter of weeks or months. Contested cases can take years to complete.

Mediation

A wonderful option in helping a client reach a fair resolution of their divorce is mediation. Mediation is a process whereby the parties negotiate, through an independent mediator, the terms of their divorce. Even when mediating, however, it is crucial to retain your own lawyer to assist you through the mediation process. I tell my clients that I must talk to them before and after any mediation session so that I am aware of what is being negotiated at the mediation session in order to provide feedback and suggestions. It is the client’s decision as to whether or not they want to participate in mediation.

There are many advantages to mediation. First, it is cost-effective. Second, it generally takes less time to resolve your case through mediation than litigation. Most importantly, though, is that you control the outcome of the case and you actively participate in the resolution of your own divorce.

Financial Records

A divorce is handled either through mediation or litigation. Regardless, it is your attorney’s job and goal to assist you in the dissolution of your marriage. It is crucial to gather all financial records such as tax returns from the past 3 years, all brokerage account statements, stock information and stock option grants. A wonderful tool for this information is through the employer manual. It is important to obtain a copy of that document. Credit card statements and bank records are also keys to figuring out and analyzing income and spending.

The best divorce is an informed divorce. A successful divorce happens when the terms are reached through compromises made by the clients. When you are part of the process and responsible for the settlement, you will feel better about the terms and will be able to take that first step into a happy post-divorce life.

If you have questions about this post or any other family law or matrimonial matter, please contact me at .

Jeralyn Lawrence is a family law attorney with Lawrence Law in Watchung. She also serves as Treasurer of the New Jersey State Bar Association, is the Past Chair of the Family Law Section of the NJSBA, and serves as Second Vice-President of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. She can be reached at  or (908) 645-1000.

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