03 Aug I’m suspicious of my dad’s advisor

Q. My father uses an attorney to help manage his finances and estate. I get the feeling the recommendations aren’t always right for my dad. Dad doesn’t want to discuss it. Can you offer any suggestions? I don’t want to see him get taken.
— Worried

A. We’re glad to see you’re concerned about your dad, but we’re also glad to see your dad is working with an attorney.

Lots of older folks don’t like discussing their financial or estate planning with their children, so it’s good he has someone to talk to, said Shirley Whitenack, an estate planning attorney with Schenck, Price, Smith & King in Florham Park.

“They have worked for their money and have had dreams and plans for how to spend, invest and/or save their money and how it should be disposed of when they die,” Whitenack said. “They may be afraid of losing control and may view their child’s insistence that they discuss their financial and estate planning as confirmation that they are getting old, may die soon and that their child wants control over their lives.”

You should start by having a conversation with your father to explain you’re not trying to take away his control and you understand he can manage his own affairs. Instead, explain that you want to be able to help him in the event of a health crisis, Whitenack said.

You can then explain to your dad that without information about his financial and estate planning arrangements, it will be very difficult to help him if your dad ever suffers from an illness that prevents him from managing his own affairs.

Also ask your dad if he’s executed estate planning documents such as a power of attorney, health care directive and a last will and testament and where the documents are kept.

“The reader must understand, however, that competent adults, regardless of age, are not required to disclose their financial or estate planning affairs to their children or to put them in charge of those affairs in the event of a health crisis or death, nor can the attorney make such disclosures without the consent of his or her client,” Whitenack said.

If you’re able to get some information and you’re still not comfortable with the attorney your dad uses, consider setting up an appointment to talk to the attorney about your own affairs. The attorney can’t disclose anything about your dad, but you might get a better feel for how the attorney does business.

And hopefully, you’ll feel more comfortable.

If you instead learn something disturbing, you can talk to your dad about it. Maybe even invite your dad to meet a different attorney that you have experience with and know you can trust.

You could even consider giving your dad a consultation with a different professional as a birthday or holiday present.

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This post was first published in August 2017.