10 Nov Helping older parents with their money

Q. I want to help my parents — who are getting older — with their finances, but they don’t want the help. What can I do?
— Concerned kid

A. Your parents have been used to taking care of you, and it’s a very delicate situation if they’re the ones who now need help.

Some people compare this to taking the car keys away from an aging parent when it is no longer safe for them to drive. In much the same way, the aging parent feels like they are losing their independence and becoming more reliant on someone else, said Michael Green, a certified financial planner with Wechter Feldman Wealth Management in Parsippany.

He said one way to broach the topic and begin the conversation is to open up to your parents about your finances.

“Your parents may be more likely to open up to you if you are open with them,” Green said. “Be sure that they continue to feel like part of the process and that they are not completely removed from their own finances.”

If you are currently working with a pro on your own finances, Green said, you should speak to the advisor about your parents because the advisor may have a process in place to help with just this situation.

“Arrange a family meeting for your parents to meet a financial professional, preferably including you in the meeting,” Green said. “The goal may not necessarily be to get your parents to hand over the responsibility to you for their finances, but for them to loosen the reigns and have a professional step in to partner with them and you.”

He said the financial advisor can often ask the tough questions that children might find difficult or awkward to ask their parents.

You can also start by asking your parents about their hopes and dreams for the future, Green said. How do they envision their retirement years? Where do they see themselves living? Do they plan to travel during retirement?

“This is a good way to frame the conversation about their finances positively and in a less threatening manner,” he said. “Once you understand their wants and desires, you can begin to discuss how to make them a reality.”

Another strategy is to begin the conversation by asking where they keep their financial records. In the event that something should happen to one or both of them, you will need to know this in order to help the other parent, Green said.

“Be sure they know you will need access to this information to safeguard their retirement income and savings should the need arise,” he said. “These types of questions can lead to the larger discussion you are hoping to have about your parents’ financial picture.”

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This story was first posted in November 2015.